in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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