Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
