the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
