Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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