we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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