Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
