I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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