the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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