I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
