Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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