It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
