I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
