**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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