From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
