so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
