There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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