i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
