I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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