May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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