God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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