Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
