glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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