I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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