She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
