we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
