just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
