I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
