I skipped work to stalk him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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