Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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