He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
