What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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