I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
