She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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