you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
