I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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