it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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