her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
