maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
