Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
