Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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