Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
