Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
