Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
