Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
