Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
