Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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