Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
