Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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