Just fell off a train. Bad.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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