Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
