seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
