I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
